So I went to the gym tonight. Yep, I ate my pork tenderloin or whatever the hell porkchops without bones is called baked with sauerkraut and drug my ass to the gym. I plugged in an audiobook and away I went. 60mn walk, sometimes really fast and sometimes "regular angela" pace (which is faster for some, slower for others, and just right for me).
GOD DAMN DID THAT HIT THE SPOT. Exercise -even lame exercise like walking- really DOES improve a person's mood. All those doctors & scientists were right!! :) Sometimes I get kinda sad that I don't do glamorous stuff like yoga, pilates, zumba, elliptical machines, or other fancy specialized weight lifting stuff or yuppie aerobic stuff -and I feel dumb and plain and boring with my simple walking around the track in a circle for an hour, which is about 20-25 laps. Kinda like I wish I could speak other languages. All the cool people I grew up with did fancy exercise things and spoke different languages - even LIVED in different countries & stuff or at least traveled there during or after high school.
Not me. I just pretty much stuck my nose to the grindstone and worked. Exercise really is a foreign thing to me. My family never got much exercise besides good, honest, hard work outside or something like that. And in fact, I think my family was never into fitness type exercise because they grew up not needing to - they GOT exercise and were physically fit because they worked. My dad grew up on a farm and although my mom grew up in town, she walked and/or biked everywhere and just worked hard. I guess the only fitness things we did when we were kids were to play outside and ride our bikes all over. It was just what we did - we just played. And we played hard too. My younger sisters never experienced that I think - they had too much food at their disposal and not enough exasperated mother kicking them out of the house to "GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!!". But I digress.
It felt good to walk. It felt good to have that time to myself. Even though I've got the house to myself most early evenings, it's different - I'm not sitting around bored or cleaning up messes that aren't entirely mine and getting mad and then sad about it. I'm walking in a circle, daydreaming of being awesomer or, like tonight, listening to books that hold my interest and guide my thinking in a positive and productive way. And I'm around people. I can be as social as I want to be and mind my own business as much as I want to as well. The energy is good at my gym. I enjoy it and I am VERY glad I decided to go tonight. I kind of like this routine. It makes me feel good and does so many good things FOR me.
I think that's important to remember. We need look at doing things that make us feel good because they are good FOR us and serve to make us better people. Getting better takes time too. How long have I been doing this weight loss thing? A LONG ASS TIME. I keep getting better & better at it.
Tonight I was reflecting on how my life might be if I had never taken control of my future and made the choices I have. I'm sure I'd be happy but I wouldn't be in this spot, with the understanding, the experiences, or the wisdom that I do now. Being a black sheep is a very lonely thing...but it is a very wonderful and beautiful thing for the soul. I have to keep my brain in that positive place and cultivate my inner dialogue to make me better tomorrow than I am today - and to not regret any of my yesterdays because what's done is done and what's next is whatever I make it to be.
Take care, my lovelies. Pause a second after you read this to take a deep breath, release it and smile at yourself, inside yourself. You are very special and can handle all of your challenges.
No comments:
Post a Comment