I have no idea what "day" this is - it all smushes together and it's just life.
How's it going here, you might ask? Well, it's just fine. I've got pork loin & sauerkraut in the oven right now. I'm really not in a good mood today nor was I yesterday. I have, however, accomplished a lot in the past few days. So I've got that goin for me. Which is nice.
I'm hoping to get out to the gym today & go for a walk. Though I may wait until tomorrow. Monday I have a full day and won't have the time to get any exercise but the rest of the week will be good. I have a lot of work to do and keep procrastinating about a few things, but there will be time for me to take care of me.
I am trying very hard to not be judgmental of people and their food choices - especially people who talk like they want to make a change in their lives or want to lose weight/be thinner. I don't respect people who talk big but don't walk that talk. I'm not talking about people who SOMETIMES eat or do things that aren't healthy because that's a balanced life. I'm talking about people who continually make the choice to drink alcohol, eat sugar, eat processed stuff, fried stuff, and heavy caloric food while at the same time talking about wanting to be healthy and making wishes they are clearly not even working on. You can want & wish all you want - I'll tell you it will never happen. A person's behavior ALWAYS tells the truth. We all have struggles, but for cryin out loud. Be authentic. Don't tell me you're wanting to lose weight or be healthy and then tell me you're on your second beer of the night and are going out for pizza or a big juicy burger & cheese loaded fries. That is what I call a hypocrite. And an irritation. Your behavioral choices make you who you are. NOT what you talk about wanting or wishing - or "gonna be"-ing.
That's an issue I've always had - I have a strange way of thinking of life sometimes. The first instance of this "if you talk like it, your actions need to match" started when I was young when I'd see and hear all these people who were such "good" Catholics who never missed mass or were pious Christians and "loved Jesus so much" but then did all of these sins and really truly NEVER did the things or lived the way they tried to convince others they did or convince others to live like and believe like. If these people weren't so pious and especially judgmental of ME, I would not call shenanigans on them for acting like hypocrites. I wouldn't' care. I understand that we all have aspirations to be like something and need to talk like what we want to be like...but there's SO much more to being how you talk about how you are or want to be. Talking means NOTHING. It's actions that matter. When you have the dialogue the way you need so that you can change into that, you NEED to add action as well. Otherwise, you're an idiot that wastes everyone's time and pollutes the world with your dishonest action-talk. I am a person who actually BELIEVES people when they say something a lot and that's what I expect to see as behavior. But then I get disappointed because it's like I can't believe ANYTHING because nothing is true. Nothing is honest and genuine. People are deceitful and only in it for themselves---and they don't even know who they are because they lie to themselves all the time too with the "I want to be like/I wish I was like..." bullshit.
Ok. Enough of this rant. I told you I was crabby. I'm just tired of a few things -and the way people act under the guise of "improving". And I realize this post likely doesn't make sense and is probably quite hypocritical of myself as well. Later when I have more time to muddle through this, I will have a more concise and better way to explain this Or maybe not. Maybe I'll decide it doesn't matter at all. I realize that this is probably just an irrational thought process that I have deeply rooted in a childhood issue I have yet to get resolved. And that makes ME the hypocrite here now.
Well, right now I'm hungry and my dinner is almost done. Maybe I WILL go to the gym tonight after all because I definitely do not want to be alone here in my thoughts. They aren't going to happy places.
Cheers, all! Don't let me be a downer to you - you're probably not as bad as I think you are when I'm in this mindtrap. :)
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