Day 4 Equals HUNGRY

Today, Thursday, is Day Four of getting back on track & loving myself. I can tell now that this is going to be a LONG ASS DRAG. I went out to breakfast this morning with a friend and though I ate very sensibly (Perkins has a GREAT low calorie scrambler with veggies & chicken sausage which I supplemented with ham as well), it was more than I eat in the mornings usually. Therefore, I felt like I wanted to zone out when I got home and now I am hungrier than I can believe!! Wow. I've been chomping on cauliflower, but that's just not cuttin it. I had some hot tea and am about to make another cup, but all I keep thinking about is filling my face.

But when I think about it, my stomach feels empty so therefore I feel empty. Woah....BIG realization here!! I'm not sad or depressed - in fact, I feel quite content right now, but I want to feel full. I'm not really physically hungry...I don't think. I am mouth hungry - which means I want something to eat that will make me feel like my mouth isn't empty, cold (hence, the hot tea idea), and I don't feel filled to the brim, like I kind of have been feeling for the past 3-4 weeks. I'm bored hungry too. I'm not bored, per se, but, well, I don't know if I have the words for it. Empty is the only word...but it's not really that.

Changing ones habits and doing what's right/good for you can be very difficult. I did not grow up with this kind of discipline and it's been a life long trial to manufacture this on my own. Considering everything, and knowing people in my life as I do, I think I'm doing very well and I ALMOST have it--that is, IF I compare myself to others, which I need to stop doing. I discovered last night cleaning out my memory boxes that I really truly AM my own worst critic and enemy and my perception of comparison is vastly skewed. How that happened I have no clue, but there it is.

So I'm hungry. Not really "I need food for nourishment" hungry, but maybe the right term for what I feel right now is a Comfort Hungry. I'm hungry for the comfort that food gives me.

And I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to that!