The Universe & Me

Let's talk about spirituality. I was raised Roman Catholic & the majority of my family still is -and are practicing Catholics, quite religiously about it I might add.

I am not. But I used to be.

I don't consider myself Catholic in the spirituality sense, only in the ethnic sense. I do not agree with many of the church's doctrines and I do not feel the religion encompasses nor exhibits what they claim to teach. The church is non-inclusive, selfish, mean, and hypocritical to name a few adjectives. At this time in my life I believe I will never agree with the religion enough to practice it. I have not met a true "good" Catholic yet -one that demonstrates the true spirit of Christianity or God's love. I know and love many Catholics that pick & choose what they actually follow in the religion or are just mean and closed-minded about humanity & exemplify the very issues I have with the religion. However, for me, I refuse to practice an organized religion that I cannot completely believe in and I have a difficult time respecting those who do, especially because it is expected of them to do so by someone or because they've been taught they will burn in hell or live in purgatory limbo forever unless they make amends or someone prays for them enough. I believe in being true to my beliefs even though I might end up being completely wrong. I have faith that my beliefs are right for me for now and I've accepted the fact that in the end if I am wrong, I am wrong. But I stood for what I believed and I did not pretend to follow an organization or a system of belief I did not fully believe in.

That being said, I guess one could say I am a Christian. Which is something I say with a bit of hesitation. There is NO doubt in my mind that God exists. I am not atheist and though I may appear to be agnostic at times, I believe with certainty there IS a God. She/He is good. I cannot begin to describe God. God just IS. I do not know nor can I let myself completely believe in the certainty of Christianity. I believe Jesus existed. I also believe that other religions' cornerstone prophets existed as well. Their teachings are what should govern us- love yourself, love your neighbor, help others, spread that love and be forgiving and patient with your fellow humans. Treat people with respect and sacrifice your selfishness for the betterment of others. Reflect upon the way you are living and live authentic and with peace for others. Do not condone evil or "badness", but do not condemn or be mean about it. Seek to understand and teach others to seek the same before judgement. And finally, know that you are not the center of the universe; there is a bigger "person" out there, one who created all and "allows" all to continue. Call that person God, Mother Earth, the Creator, or whatever. I believe our souls are intertwined in the universe and God is that wonder. If pressed, I would "categorize" myself as a Christian because that's the only religion I really know. I know a lot about it. I've been taught Christianity since I was born. But I can't seem to conform nor invest in organized Christianity. I've never found a church I feel completely "right" or comfortable in. I ALWAYS have "what if" questions and sometimes those "what ifs" are crucial to the main tenants of Christianity and I just don't feel right stating I believe/am a part of that religion when I really don't believe it all or question it.

Believe me, I have tried. I've tried to be Catholic. I've tried to be nondemoninational. But the thing that makes sense to me is the acknowledgement of a God and enlightened humans over time who were blessed with the ability to show & teach how humans should act towards one another and themselves. I pray. And I pray the prayers I was taught as a Catholic. And I believe in them and in the off-the cuff-prayers I have as well. I believe in the power of those prayers -of any true prayer. I love spending time just being quiet "with" God. I can see and feel God in things -nature, people, events, etc. My "church" is the world - a beautiful day, a cleansing rain, a crisp night, a baby's laugh, a child's yell of glee, a loving couple's embrace, a lake & trees, a field of grain that meets the horizon, a winding road in the mountains, a pay-it-forward deed from someone, bravery, strength of character, a smile, a good meal, a good cup of coffee, a refreshing pull of beer, the stars at night... Everything that is good is a celebration of God. Everything that is good feeds my individualized notion of spirituality. Everything that is a miracle (because face it, life as we know it IS a miracle in the vast ether of the universe) is "church". Everything beautiful or moving is "church" to me. The appreciation of humanity and the furthering of basic human rights is my "church". The more I love, the closer to God I become. The closer to God I become, the happier I can be. The happier I become, the more I can let go of things I cannot change and change the things I can. Even if my concept of "God" is the ether in the Universe or the Native American's concept of the Great Spirit. Even if my concept of "God" lies within the search for the Higgs Boson particle or the mysteries of black holes and dark matter. I don't know exactly what God is...but I know God exists somehow and I'm ok with that being completely inexplicable.

How does this relate to weight loss (because my original intention in resurrecting this blog was to chronicle my weight loss journey)? I need to have faith that I can do this. I need help though, from a higher power sometimes. I need to have faith in the strength and resolution I can find in asking the Universe for help. Anytime a person is changing for the better, drawing positive energy from the universe is necessary, I believe. Perhaps it's only having the faith that everything is as it should be and things will all work out in the end. Quelling anxiety and impatience (remember my rant about being impatient!?) is necessary for me during this challenge, so I must spend "quality time" reflecting on and letting God help me out. I can do this - but I also need to draw upon the powers of light and positivity around me.

Organized religion is fine for some- and greatly helps and guides them in their own life. I have too many "what ifs"...too many questions and reasonings -and I've seen too much hypocrisy in righteous people to subscribe to anything more complicated than the concept that God just IS...and She/He is all around us and part of us. My "going to church" is a celebration and appreciation for beauty, goodness, and wonder. I truly believe we are all children of the Universe, and that universe just might be "God".