I've been amazed lately at how many compliments I have been getting on my weight loss. We as a society are SO hung up on it and we idolize people who are thin or people who GET thin after being fat. Yeah, I am glad I look better- but I'm wayyyyy more happy with how I feel and how I feel about myself as I'm getting to be the size I'm becoming. I never really bought into the "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"...and I still don't because food is DELICIOUS. Doritos DO taste as good if not better than thin feels. I think the BEST feeling of all is feeling thin AND eating delicious food. Sometimes a girl just needs a great big juicy cheeseburger!!
I've been realizing how big my food addiction really has been. I've learned SO much about myself and I feel as though I am much more in control in that space of my life. I will ALWAYS love food - but I've learned to respect it and make it work FOR me. I'm excited to get to phase 4 which is real life eating forever. I'm excited for that challenge---because it WILL be a challenge.
My big gain in all of my small victories is my self control and my love for myself. My confidence is getting to be through the roof and I feel ready to tackle situations that used to really intimidate me before. I'm becoming comfortable with compliments from people but I'm still struggling with downplaying them and making some kind of self defeating comment in response.
But the big victory is my mastering of myself (that sounded dirty...). We all struggle with dealing with our personal demons and my big demons revolve around food. It's a total mind game - as I've mentioned quite a few times before in these blog entries. It's the ultimate challenge in our lives: Conquering ourselves. Just as one needs to learn to love themselves before they can love others, one needs to learn how to manage themselves before they can manage anything else. I'm seeing a day when I use my challenges as outlets for exercise. Sometimes I just want to start running or being active and getting THAT kind of high. I'm feeling stronger every day and I want to next see where I can take my fitness levels. I HATE exercising and I like sitting around. Exercise is HARD and it's something I loathe. BUT, I love the feeling I get.
Right now that's not in the plans until maybe late July/August. I'd like to be the person who works out by lifting, doing yoga, and runs. I'm not much for classes and group things - I like solo activities. I might be persuaded to go running or working out with a friend, but I like doing what I like to do and I don't like either waiting or feeling like I'm holding someone up. Fitness is an intensely personal thing - at least to me, so I need to find my groove and what I like and what makes ME feel good about myself and my progress as a human being.
So my closing words are to be good to yourself -challenge yourself and be weird...do stuff that is unconventional but stuff that makes YOU healthier. People notice and people will "get it" in time. And if they don't, no worries, your life is not for THEM to "get"...it's for YOU to live. :)
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