Change your words, change your thoughts, change your behavior, change your destiny. ---this is the mantra I need to keep in mind as the holidays are in full swing.
So the weight loss journey progress has taken a vacation- the journey has stopped for now, visiting old friends of "nothing ever goes right", "you are not worthy", "a shit ton of regret" and "what does it matter if I take care of myself". I lived there for many years in my twenties & early thirties, my friends. It's been interesting being back in that spot- I've grown out of these "people"- it's not a place I feel like losing myself in any longer. So I spent most of November visiting those old feelings & mind sets and I'm exhausted by them. It's funny how one can get stuck in a negative, fatalistic mindset and not realize it for a while, until a wall is hit.
So here I am, looking at this wall and looking for ways to scale it. I'm a planful person- maybe too planful at times. Nevertheless, my wall scaling plan is almost complete. It's at this space in my own self destruction that I start to realize I just don't give a shit anymore. Improve or not improve- it's all up to me and I think I'm getting apathetic or mad at the world enough to just execute a plan already. I think and I talk about it a lot -the exercising, the eating right, the other bad habits that keep me from being healthy. I do honestly believe I have mastered the eating thing. FINALLY after 20-30 years. Now to execute the next level of the wall scale.
Then to put it all together & be the person I am meant to be, going confidently in the direction of my dreams. It's about time I gave myself that positive energy instead of giving it all away to everyone else. I really don't get it back in return. And that, my friends, is where I USED to live- in the giving everything & sacrificing me- and it stalled me out & messed with my head far too much--the biggest scam of my life. It's my turn now, haters & fakers. It is on like donkey kong.
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