Day 2 is A-OK

So my day two of back to loving myself has been pretty good. Eating is good & my hunger is better. I have food comfort cravings in the evenings it seems like and I want some whiskey. It's difficult for me to get to sleep, but then again, it has been difficult to do that for about two months now. 

I'm still down in the dumps, but that will get better as I stick to this. I had a weigh in today. I weighed in at 202.2lbs -a tiny loss from two weeks ago. That's amazing because I have been eating like crazy in the past 4 weeks. I am hoping this means my metabolism is improving. I'm hoping to drop big in the next few weeks. My inches more or less stayed the same but I FEEL fatter. I think my face looks fatter too. My double chin is more prominent right now than it was and that coupled with breakouts on my face make me feel like I look really gross. 

Things WILL get better. Remember my goal to get down to 160 by now?? Well I've revised that to get down to 150-160 by the end of April. That's a good long 4 months and if I do everything correctly & continue with the Thrive stuff, coupled with getting some exercise, I'm confident that will happen. My 42nd birthday is at the end of April and 42 is my favorite number so this feels like a big bday for me. 

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. And I'm staying home. I'm in a nasty mood and am stuck in a rut where I can't seem to think positively & though I'm functioning very well am am generally ok, there's something wrong with my thought processes and I don't know how to get out of my negative soundtrack. So I don't want to be around ANY people. At all. Unfortunately my roommate (who is also my little sister) is hell bent on staying home too so I won't be able to be alone in my self pity wallowing. Oh well! Also, I don't want to go anywhere because I don't trust myself to NOT break my weight loss goals right now. Losing weight is lonely.  My two best friends, one lives an hour away & the other lives 2-1/2 hours away invited me to their New Years parties. I declined and also declined some acquaintances who invited me to their shindigs too. I don't want the booze & the food temptation & I'm incredibly lonely and loneliest lately with lots of people around me. 

So that's that.  It's going. It's not tough going...that will come in about 2-3 weeks as I get sick of this restrictive lifestyle. Oh geez. I NEED to change my thinking!!!! I think my short term goal is to get that sorted out & fixed. 

Thanks for reading & wish me luck!!! :)