Yesterday was an exciting day. I am down to 172lbs (Under 170 on my scale at home!) and while I was waiting for my hair appt, I did a little shopping. I started looking at dresses. I was at my grandma's funeral on Tuesday and all of my cousins were wearing dresses...I was not. Although I looked very nice and received MANY MANY compliments, I felt like I should have looked more like a girl. So, I perused the dresses at JcPenney for a few minutes. I found a simple, somewhat conservative but classy black dress. For shits & giggles I decided to try on a size 10. HOLY SMOKES IT FIT.
I bought it. And a medium shirt that I've been eyeing the last few times I had been in that store. I have not worn a size 10 since high school. Seriously. In ANYTHING.
Today I paid my doctor a visit to rework some of the medication I've been put on for adult acne I've been experiencing this spring. I weighed in there at 170lbs and used their fancy scale that measures body fat percentage, etc. From that scale, I have lost 18 lbs since early March and the best part of that is that all of that weight was fat mass, not muscle mass. My muscle mass stayed the same and my fat mass went down. My BMI is 26.something. I am one point/number away from "normal" BMI. She made a point to repeat how good I look and pointed out that three years ago this summer, I weighed almost 90 pounds more than I do right now. I remember that time in my life. I was miserable.
That being said, I'm getting tired of this very restrictive and very hard core weight loss phase. I'm happy for the weight loss, but I want the freedom to eat what I feel like eating should I happen to want to eat whatever I want. I'm phasing off for real on June 16 and will do two weeks of adding double animal protein, then two weeks of adding carbs, fruit, and maybe dairy at my breakfast meal. That will allow my body to not go into shock and to not store fat instead of utilizing it for energy. It's got to do with insulin, glucose, etc and how fat cells respond to insulin. Then after I wean myself back INTO eating carbohydrates, I will eat "normally". That's gonna mean maintaining my weight loss and getting into exercising so maintaining is easier and I establish muscle tone so I can be slimmer and feel stronger. Maybe I won't weigh too much less, but building muscle and getting rid of the flabbiness I am experiencing (or feel like I'm experiencing) is a win-win, much more valuable to me than a weight number. I'm at the weight now that MOST people go on diets for - I literally have about 20-25 pounds to go before I am totally in line with what I "should" weigh for my 5'7" frame. That's just completely amazing to me. But I think I need to park for a while and just "be" for the summer. Once September hits, I will go back to phase 1 for another 8 weeks and will get rid of the rest of this overweight status. Maybe if i start exercising and tone up though, I will find that I don't need to do that anymore. Who knows.
So I've had some good days. But like I said, I'm getting tired of this. 8 weeks is a LONG time and I am an EXTREMELY impatient person. I'm also sick of people drawing to my and everyone else's attention that I don't eat sugar and I don't eat carbs and I eat tons of veggies. It also gets exhausting when people tell me how good I look and how they "couldn't do what I am doing". That's just a cop out and bullshit. ANYONE can do this...you've just got to want it enough and commit to it. You just have to make a choice. And then another, and then another. Folks, if *I* can do this ANYONE can. I swear to god.
So challenge yourself. Make small changes. Have a positive outlook. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just DO IT. Get it done. Burn it all down and live authentically. Quit being a slave to sugar and the food industry. Most of the stuff out there is total crap. Quit giving in to the machine and supporting that industry with your money. You are so much better than that and you deserve to treat yourself as kindly. It's the right thing to do.
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