Well, it's been quite some time since I've had a chance to check in here. Things have been busy. Since I've last posted, I've found a place to live in Fargo (yep...gonna be one of those North Dakotans now!!!), my coop's has already hired my replacement, I've discovered the calendar hates letting me move in June but it's gonna happen anyway darnnit!!, and I've been over-busy getting things wrapped up in districts.
Today is the first day I've actually started thinking of letting things go at work. Not really "letting them go", but "letting go" and doing as much as I can right now to prep the next person -just enough to give them an idea of where things are and let her carry on or not if she wishes. I've finally been able to stop thinking ahead and planning for next year. It's been difficult -I'm usually a very purposeful person and seldom do anything without having some reason or plan for it in the future. So finally now, I'm at the place where I can just leave it all be and behind. There are bigger and better things waiting for me in Moorhead and I'm very excited about that. The same challenges, but one district within one vision supported by consistent and proactive leadership. I can grow more fully there. It is the next step after my growth this year. I am completely and absolutely excited!
This afternoon I'm sitting in Caribou Coffee in St. Cloud. I was in St. Paul today for my last Director's Forum. In my position in Moorhead, I won't be expected to attend these as my director will relay all relevant info to me if I need it. If there is something covered that is very pertinent, I have no doubt she'll let me go, but at least I know it's not one of those "unsaid expectations". In fact, it's an unsaid expectation that I NOT go. :) YAY! Traveling so much sometimes makes me weary, gets expensive (even with mileage and meal reimbursement), and keeps me from really feeling "settled" in a place. I'm on my way to DL to my brother's for the evening. I have a car load of stuff to store over there :) and go to Fargo tomorrow to sign my lease. Thus begins another new chapter in my life.
I feel melancholy today. I have some ideas why, but still, I don't prefer to feel this way. It's surprising how one day of gray dark damp weather after a slew of sunny bright warm days turns a person's mood and thoughts around. I wish I could stay in one spot and write all day long, but I'm not sure what to say or what would come of it. Have you ever started writing and writing and then realized, whoa! Where they heck did all of THAT come from?? I have to learn that when I get in moods like that (the writing and writing) I cannot look at what I've written because then I stop because I start to think about it too much. When I start to do that, everything is gone and I stop writing for days, weeks, months.
This upcoming transition feels a bit impending -but not at the same time. Going to Grand Rapids and working for the cooperative felt like I was going into an adventure -and it just kept *click*click* climbing and *WHOOSH*zooming down the big hill only to *click*click* climb for another exhilarating & sometimes scary *WHOOSH* freefall. Now it feels like I'm just waiting to get back from my adventure and get back home into "normal life". I'm on the tarmac taxiing between flights. I have to say though, this is exactly where I was meant to be for this year. I know this in a weird but absolute way. This entire year from July to now and everything in it was meant to be. Even my crazy emergency room ordeal! HAHA! Lessons learned, stagnation rejuvenated, old ghosts exorcised, more perspectives discovered and appreciated. I'm thankful for my seatbelt/safety bars this year to keep me on the adventure!! Now it's time to leave the park and take the memories on to another chapter in this crazy life of mine!! :)
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