It's Snot That Bad....

ok, I admit it. I am sick. This isn't a cold anymore, this is most likely a sinus infection. Since about 4:00 today I have been blowing out a TON of slimey greenish yellow snot...like in large quantities. Where does snot come from??? How the heck is it even made??? What a WEIRD thing for a body to produce. Ew.

AND I feel like someone's trying to pull my upper molars out or at least move them around. *sigh* What a pain in the butt to go to a doctor to wait for 1-3 hours for them to tell me what I already know and give me a dose of antibiotics. Plus, I don't feel good so that makes me super crabby. A couple times, when I was really sick and finally went into see a doctor I refused to get weighed, measured and was really short with the "how sick are you interview". Once I was really very rude to a nurse who asked me a gazillion questions about how I felt, where I felt pain, what was my pain on a scale of 1-10, is your medication list current, what are you taking for cold medicine, what my snot looked like, how often I blew my nose, etc etc etc. I finally said, "you know what? I feel really, really sick. I don't care if my record is updated -all I care about is seeing the doctor so I can get a prescription, get it filled, and go back to bed, ok?"

She was not happy with me and "told on me" by telling the doctor that I refused to answer all of her questions. Yes, she actually was scoping out the door, so when the guy grabbed my chart and came into the exam room where I was miserably waiting, she ran in and tattled.

If that wasn't so funny, I would have been very mad and complained to the clinic about her. But I must have been feverish or something because when I was leaving with prescription in hand (this was before they just emailed prescriptions to pharmacies), I actually had a chuckle about it. But then I felt sad. That nurse spent an awful lot of time chasing skinny rabbits with me...and she definitely was not responsive to my health in distress. So I hope that nurse either got herself a different job or figured out that sometimes you've got to respond to the patient's needs instead of just the checklist you want to go through. Many, many of her questions she could have figured out for herself if she listened closely and asked questions that evokes short, but still very relevant answers from me.

So tonight I've been drinking hot chocolate and hot peppermint tea. And blowing my nose ALL the time. I had to take another dose of my sudafed/mucinex/tylenol combination. I like taking these as 4-6 hour doses and I like to do them separately. I don't like "all in one" meds like Nyquil. I especially don't like cold medicine that has more than an 8hr dosage. I actually like to stagger them. I take mucinex first, then about an hour later I take sudafed and maybe tylenol with that, or about 30mns after the sudafed. And I get the "real" sudafed too -the one where you have to sign your life away and can only get 48 pills in the span of a month without a doc's prescription. That's the only thing that has really ever worked for me and after I discovered mucinex, I don't get the chest congestion that happens after I take sudafed. I feel sick, but it's doubtful I have a fever, so it can't be that bad. Right??

Tomorrow will be interesting. I don't have ANYTHING on my calendar besides being in the high school for the day. That is freakin WIERD. Usually there is something I have to attend to -a meeting, a training, touching base with a teacher or administrator, observing a kid. Tomorrow there's nothing so if I wake up this way tomorrow, I'm taking a sick day and going to the doctor to get some meds to clear this thing up.

Well Neti-pot...you didn't prevent a sinus infection this time! However, this came on quickly and I was quite sick for a couple days. I maybe overdid it a bit today too. Also, I should have stayed home from Thanksgiving on Thursday and stayed in bed like I did Friday. I felt really good Saturday for a while, until the day got long and I needed a rest. Sunday I felt really good too- I was up early, did tons of housework and then relaxed the rest of the day. I was ok this morning until about 11...then I started feeling worn out again...but I stayed at the office until 5. I should have left at 2:30 when I was done at Horizon.

Oh well!! Thanks for listening to my moans and groans about not feeling well. I HATE being sick...mostly because it's a pain in the ass. I hope I have nice & competent & emotionally stable nurses tomorrow if I need to go to the doctor. :)

Another Black Friday...

So....I've pretty much slept all day! It's been fantastic!! I feel soooooo much better. I even bought myself some Vicks Vaporub and slathered it on -going old school too with a big sock pinned around my neck! I'm still phlemmy and coughy, BUT, I feel good. So good that I got my Christmas tree decorated and a bunch of other stuff done too!

I didn't go shopping today -2nd year in a row that I haven't done the Black Friday thing. Honestly? I don't miss it. At all. There were no real deals that I wanted to grab today -and I don't feel like there are any that I want to grab at all this season. I toy with getting a new TV...I still have one of those "old" huge ones...25inches shouldn't be so "huge", but what it lacks in screen size, it makes up for in how deep it is!! Haha. Oh well. If I actually had cable I think that I'd be more inclined to get one, but Hulu and online sites are alright for me when it comes to tv watching.

Let's see...what can I share that can give you a bit of humor? How about some crazy animal pics? Ok. Since you asked for it.....

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving! I have come down with a cold. I felt it coming on for a couple of days, but really got hit yesterday afternoon with it. This is the stuffy head/sinus headache/ear ache kind of cold, where a person goes through a box of kleenex a day. I'm drinking mountains of hot tea and water and have stepped up the neti pot therapy.

Apparently I am going to Osage today. I need to get my butt into the shower and get ready for my driver pickup at 9-ish. And all I wanna do is stay home in bed. :( Oh well, a hot shower, some more tea, sudafed & tylenol, and cough drops will make things somewhat better.

I'm a huge-ass ball of sunshine today. Haha. Also, since I'm all congested and stuff, Thanksgiving dinner will probably taste like sand. Oh well!!! Today is not my favorite day. But tomorrow is...tomorrow I can sleep ALL day if I want!!

YAY!!!!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving! Travel safe, be nice to each other, keep your mouth shut when someone pisses you off today. Just be thankful you have people in your life to piss you off. :)

Dear Santa: Bring Me A Blizzard of Epic Proportions

Ok, so my title is a bit misleading...but I love snow and I LOVE blizzards! Well, that is as long as I don't have to drive anywhere and don't get stuck somewhere I don't want to be. Otherwise, I absolutely love winter weather.

Today I'm at Luther Family Buick, blah blah blah getting an oil change AND getting my Blizzaks put on!! I had to get my 300pounds of sandbags in my trunk Monday because I hardly had any traction so I had a very difficult time getting around in 12 inches of snow!! Now it's better...but in about 30mns it's gonna be even BETTER!!!!!!! Blizzaks to the rescue! I highly, highly, highly recommend getting these tires for any vehicle. They aren't the greatest on ice (comparable to any kind of tire), but wow can they plow through snow!! In fact, the front of my car is shaped like a plow sorta....at least the front bumper because it is pointed in the front and goes back towards the sides of the car, you know, like a "v". SO, that means I can plow through snow. LOL

I took a vacation day today. I have LOTS of errands to get done today and I definitely did not want to do them on Friday when town is crazy. I am hoping to sleep in forever and ever on Friday. I am getting a cold. A really bad one that bugs me a lot at first. Thank God I went to Walgreens late Sunday and got myself a neti pot!! I am needing that very much right now. I haven't been sick for a long time now, so I guess it can be "my turn". This is my first vacation day since July 1st. I have 20 in a 12 month period, so now I have 19 left and I think I can carry them over to next year (after July 1st), but I have to use the "old" ones by January 1. No problem because I want to use at least 7 of them next fall for a trip to Arizona for a family event.

So tomorrow we are in a blizzard watch. Actually, we are in a blizzard watch from tonight through tomorrow afternoon. I am going to Osage tomorrow to my future brother-in-law's for Thanksgiving (my sister's fiance). I decided to hitch a ride with my brother because I figure he can drive -and I'm sure he will drive in the icky weather. It must be a guy thing and I think he really gets off on defying winter. Stupid, but I'm brining wine, so I will be set if we get stuck/stranded!

Turkey day is tomorrow! I generally don't like Thanksgiving. It's a dumb, brown & orange holiday -not nearly as pretty and sparkly as Christmas. I think Thanksgiving should be re-named "Pre-Christmas" and add some sparkle to the event!! It's practically in the Christmas season anyway. I saw Christmas stuff in stores this year concurrently with Halloween stuff. I LOVE it!!!

I'm sure one of these days I'll post a tirade of my pet peeves about people's attitudes towards Christmas and how they are missing the "reason for the season". Yeee-gads. Thank God for holidays so I can spout off some nonsense of my own! :)

Looks like my car's done, so I will check you later!! Thanks for checking in! And happy thanksgiving to you and your family & friends! Even if you're family and friends happens to be a sock stuffed with another sock with a face created by a marker. :)

I am insane. I really truly am. I've GOT to be insane because today I designated as my "catch up on Hulu day" where I would watch a bunch of tv episodes I have in my queue. So I watched a bunch of House episodes, Family Guy, and Bones. Saturday I watched Glee, Community (the funniest thing on tv right now I think!), the Office, & 30 Rock, and I was getting sick of House. THEN, when it was dark, I decided to myself that hey! I have Ghosthunters episodes I should watch too! I chose a scary one. Good job Angela!!

I have a very vivid imagination. I've also had some "unexplainable" personal experiences in the past. I've felt very good here, despite all of the people who live in this apartment complex...must have been good people or at least not sad & or anything like that...mostly benign. So, that might sound kooky to a lot of you, but it happens.

So anyway, I've kinda freaked myself out now! LOL!! I took a nap at about 3:30 until after 5 and since then I've been freaking myself out with one and a half Ghosthunters episodes. I had to take a short break to write this. I may not finish it at all, I may watch another Bones episode to cleanse the pallet. I actually should go out and about to buy myself a neti pot because mine mysteriously disappeared during my move (meaning: I threw it away before I moved). Then I can listen to the radio -but NOT Pearl Jam Radio! I've already lamented over that! haha.

Me & My Crazy Dreams!!

Well, it's Saturday and Thanksgiving is next week. We got our first dusting of snow today that I think might stick around. The forecast has more snow for the next couple days. I'm good with that; I'd have to say it's about time.

Today was a super lazy day. I got all of my glass cut and will be grinding to size and leading it later this week. Hopefully in one day I can do both those things, solder, and mud. I was gonna do some cleaning and things like that around the house, but spent most of the day running around town on stupid and idiotic errands that in retrospect were just silly excuses for driving around to get caught up on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me episodes!

SO I have to tell you about this dream I had last night. It was weird. Let me give you some background: I have XM radio in my car (satellite radio) and recently they added a new channel: Pearl Jam Radio. All Pearl Jam all the time, including bands they are affiliated with (like Mother Love Bone). So I've been listening to that 24/7. They play certain songs every day (Keep on Rocking in a Free World remake is on EVERY DAY and I never miss it when I'm in the car so it must be MORE than once a day). Anyway, it has been what I've listened to nonstop for a while now (after I was off of my Taddy Porter kick -a new band out of OK that you really need to check out!!) and finally I've about had it. I think it's time for a break. And this is why:

Last night I had a dream that I went shopping for wine. I went to a store that was owned by Eddie Vedder, the lead singer of Pearl Jam. In fact, it was called PJ WINE. I showed up and all they had were Pinot Noir under a Pearl Jam label-that was basically a mixing of their Ten and Vs album covers -hard to describe. So I thought, "oh well, I really like pinot noir...I hope their's is good" and went to buy a whole basketful. My high school biology teacher, Mr Reier, was the checkout person and he hassled me about needing ID. I argued a lot with him telling him how old I was (I remember saying "I graduated BEFORE this band even got successful!!") but he wouldn't sell me any wine because I did not have my ID with me. Then I wandered around the store trying to find Eddie V to bitch him out cuz I wanted 8 bottles of pinot noir with the Vs looking label (I remember thinking the "Ten" label ones tasted gross), but I never did apparently because that is the last thing I remember. Oh, and they played songs in the store really loud and the place was lit with concert lighting and smoke machines. "Black" and "Yellow Ledbetter" were the songs that kept playing over and over. It was REALLY weird.

How insane is that??? I took that as a cue to stop listening to Pearl Jam Radio. Or at least take a break from them for a while.

Ok. So it's Saturday night and of course I feel as if I'm wasting my life away. Not gonna get into that, so I'm gonna share some nuggets of fun. Yep, graphic humor time!!! Enjoy!!!

In Need of a Vacation...

When it is a Sunday afternoon still and I start to feel anxiety and dread...I know it is about time for a vacation. And by vacation, I don't mean running away to somewhere warm or even taking a trip anywhere....I just mean taking days off from work to do nothing, something, etc. -anything but work.

I would like to find some time to take a day or two off in the next coming weeks. Yes, there is Thanksgiving, but that has already been accounted for in my brain and besides, let's face it, those days are filled with activity anyway. I want a day of no plans. No housework, nothing. Actually, I should take a vacation day during a week soon and get my stained glass project worked on. 10am-5pm would be plenty of time for me to get it completed. I'd like to get it done before Thanksgiving...how to do that, though, is the question.

I know exactly what is bothering me and making me want to take time off away from work. One of my buildings is bothering me because there aren't as many special ed needs to address there as there are other issues that want to pull me in. That adds onto my already large workload and my purpose is not only blurred, but my true purpose is then diluted as a by-product. If that doesn't make sense to you, that's ok. I wish it didn't make sense to me. :)

So I find myself in a quandary. It's a fine line to walk and yet each day I see more and more how I need to make that line clear but walk it assertively and with clarity of purpose. I figured some of it out last weekend, and by being more cognizant of things this last week, I have come to a definitive conclusion: While I need to be cooperative and provide leadership, I need to remember my place and what that place does not prefer that I do...how responsibilities that were never meant to be part of my own set to begin with need to remain not mine. I need to deflect. But deflect with tact. That's the challenge for me I think. In a way it pisses me off. For all intents and purposes, I am a new leader and shouldn't have to be putting parameters around a leader with more experience. HOWEVER, I see how I need to do so because it's that experience that has been honed to utilize any perceived resources available. I am a perceived resource. However, it's very much like putting limits on enabling loved ones or not getting sucked into family/friend drama. I need to set my line, be true to it, and advocate for myself with assertion and professionalism.

Yeah, I know this was a cryptic entry. Sorry about that. It brings up a good point though. Have you ever been involved in a project or activity with others and knew deep down that you were being asked to play a role (and had agreed to play that role) that you were not sure was actually YOURS, but the person who coerced you into that? And then, you found that perhaps you were "in too deep" and just had to follow through, with the promise that there would be no more...you were "getting out"? HA! Wow, that sounds like I am involved in something illegal!! LOL Nothing that glamorous, folks! Sorry.

At any rate, it's exhausting mentally and even somewhat emotionally to be constantly on your guard. It's a game of sorts. I had thought at first that this person could play the game and would play nice in the sandbox. Now I see that they only really play if it's with their own idea. There is no playing nice in the sandbox. There's no overt fighting either...but it's not really a complementary relationship...it's more of a "hey, I'll play nice...as long as you do my bidding or have something I want to play with too". or, "you can build sand castles? Great! I'll play with you, so you should come over every day and make these here sand castles while I do this other stuff over here -but to everyone else, it does look like I'm making them too...and if they don't stay made, it certainly isn't MY fault, I never made them."

Not sure if I got my point across. BUT, the past month I've been dreading work. Then I started to realize it was just on certain days. And now I realize what exactly it is that I dread, what makes me feel anxious -and almost panic-attacky (which is new for me -or at least I haven't felt that way in YEARSSS!!), and what I need to do about it. I love my job...I really, really do. In some ways, I have my dream job (so far anyway, until a new dream develops in my brain). So...I just won't let this building suck the life out of me or take my dream job away from me. I have to put up my own perameters, stick to what I'm actually there for, say no with more clarity as to why it's a "no", and focus on the reason I'm there...which is the basis of that "dream job".

I'm grateful for having the weekends to myself to get done the things I need to, to have balance, to put work away for a couple days. The next step is doing this for at least a couple nights during the work week. The stained glass is a very good outlet and healthy activity (even though I tend to cut the crap out of my fingers on the glass, for crying out loud!!!!haha) and it's not something I HAVE to do or be bound to.

My theme for November is "Build a Bridge & Get Over It". So I guess if I say I need a vacation, I should have that same theme -quit complaining about it and freakin do it already then. :) Here I go, off to check my schedule to find which day would be the best to use some of my vacation time! Thanks for tuning in blog reader!! I appreciate it! :)

Time To Be A Wino........

Well I had a most excellent day today! I didn't get to do my stained glass project because by the time I got my ass in gear & got to the studio, the owner was closing up for the day. Oh well!!! After that I decided to take another drive and listen to podcasts. I found myself at the Osgood Hornbachers (for those of you not familiar with Fargo/Moorhead, Osgood is a development in the southwest portion of the city -down 45th st to 40th ave, a relatively new development that is exploding to the south even as we speak). My intention was to find something to eat like a deli sandwich or salad. Well, I found stuff alright!!! They were having tastings all over the store. Brie baked in carmelized onions and a sort of philo dough, meatballs, sausage, peanut butter brittle, tapenade, salad, ice cream, Caribou coffee (yummmmmm Reindeer Blend!!) and even lefsa. Well there was lunch!!! :) Then I found out my friend from Ada was in town shopping with her daughter and her mom so I met up with them for about 4 hours of shopping extravaganza. THEN, I remembered a liquor store in town was having a huge wine sale, so I spent $60 and stocked up. By stocking up I mean 6 bottles. That's a hell of a lot of wine in the house for a lightweight like me!!! :) I need to invest in a bigger wine rack.

So anyway, after my good day today, I thought I would just come home and read the rest of the brand new JD Robb book. I have to tell you -that is my favorite series. I don't care what anyone says. This one is book #32 in the series or something like that. So I started the book last Monday and read a bit on Tuesday. USUALLY I devour them. This time, I'm going to savor. I've gone about 4 days now where I just don't feel in the "right place" to get lost in a book. I was hoping this weekend would be a good time, but I always get distracted by something else. Tonight I'm distracted by the wine I bought.

Let me tell you about it. It's called "Apothic Red". It's a blend of California grown syrah, zinfandel, & merlot. Honestly, by themselves I don't prefer those grapes -I'm more of a cabernet sauvingon, sauvingon blanc, pinot noir, pinot grigio, and even chianti girl. I guess syrah isn't that bad if I were really honest. But together, they are fantastic! The guy at the liquor store raved about this one, saying it's better than the Menage Trois blend because it has more of a PUNCH! to it, but still finishes smooth, supported by a full body of dark berry flavors. I've never had the Menage Trois brand, but I completely believe him now that I've tasted it -this Apothic wine is as good as he claimed it was. Makes me want to go back to tell him some of my favorites and ask for similar or more exciting ones. I have a new favorite wine on my "affordable wine list" now!!

Thankfully, tomorrow is Sunday and I can be a sloth for another day. I have the typical house-cleaning stuff to do: Laundry, dishes, general straitening up. It would also be nice to get some more of my Christmas tree decorated. I am enjoying window shopping during Christmas season!!! I LOVE this time of the year!!! I just love all the sparkly stuff!

Last night I reviewed all of my blog entries from the time I began this site. I have to say...it was interesting to go down memory lane through those posts. I remembered my angst in Ada, my bizarre time in Grand Rapids, and how I felt at each specific time I wrote an entry. Going back to re-read was good for me. It helps make sense of how I felt at certain times that I just couldn't really grasp at the time. I guess that's the beauty of journaling. I do keep a written journal. Two, as a matter of fact. Actually, I have about 3 because I have an "Angela's Thoughts" one that I keep for work. But regarding my "real life" I have two veins of journaling (well, three with this blog...but my "Angela's Thoughts" tends to intermix with this blog as well). I have notebooks filled with abstract interpretations of thoughts/feelings written in verse or structured prose and I have notebooks & journal books filled with basic thoughts and feelings on that particular day at that particular time. In fact, I carry around a journal with me at all times. I usually jot stuff down in those journal books that have no business being on a publicly accessible forum such as this blog. I'm mostly cryptic here (and in my "abstract" notebooks), but I'm very specific in my personal journals. Maybe some day when I die, I will finally be fully understood :)

So tonight I'm enjoying a brand new (to me) wine and reflecting on life. I have to tell you, dear blog reader, that who I was even 18 months ago is not the same person you see before you today. Parts of me are the same -fundamentally, I have not changed at all. What has changed is what I show the world. I show more than I permitted myself to show before. I'm more "me". I'm more calm. I'm more happy. I'm more able to understand. I'm more transparent. I have several people to thank for that. People who have come into my life at seemingly random, but ultimately destined moments who have challenged parts of myself I kept very close and sacred. ....as I write this, I have a smile on my face. I would not trade my life and the challenges (and successes) I've had for anything. When I was young, hell-even just 6 years ago, I was still locked inside myself, not quite knowing or trusting what path I should take. At times, I mourn the time it took me to get to this spot and at times, I marvel at the miracles I have been able to see first hand that have led me to this.

I do believe in miracles. I have to share one of the main reasons why I do believe in miracles. I am not sure I have told anyone this...and I don't think I've blogged about this...but here it goes.

When I was very young, like maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade, I had a dream that I remember quite vividly still today. I dreamed that my brother Albert was trapped in a house fire at my grandparents' house and was burned badly. We visited him in the hospital and he was wrapped in bandages with a leg in traction and his head still, unable to move or talk but looking so lost & sad. I remember that so much because after I woke up during the dream, I crept into my parent's room, woke my mom up and asked her if we would ever have a fire. She probably thought, "what the HELL Angela, go to sleep for God's sake!!", but she said, "I don't know. You have a smoke detector right outside your bedroom. Now go back to sleep". I never felt like my question was actually answered in the way I needed to hear it, but I was able to go back to sleep anyway. I never had another dream like that one.

Fast forward a bunch of years....maybe 12 or so to 1992. I was in college, in my second year, and not caring much about being in college because I wanted to be home welcoming my brand new little little sister into the world (but nooooo...I had to stay in college and couldn't even get a ride back to Perham until a bit after Audrey was born. That still saddens me to this day). I didn't have a car because although my brother Albert & I "had" a car (an Oldsmobile something or another), I was not allowed to have it 60 miles away at college, but Albert could have it in town to get to school and back, run all over the country-side with it, and wherever else he wanted. So I got home when I could, catching rides from younger relatives who attended the same college as me and who's parents let them have a car.

Anyway, so fast forward again about a month and a half. My mom and sisters were coming up to Fargo to go shopping with me but my mom called me early in the morning and said (I remember this verbatim), "Angela, we won't be able to go shopping today because we are on our way to the hospital because Albert was in a car accident and was airlifted to Fargo last night". Oh. My. God. First, I did not have a way to get myself to the hospital to be with my family-which I wanted to do RIGHT away!!!! Oh. My. God. Once my floor mates found out what happened, one of my neighbors in the dorm I lived in offered to let me borrow her Toyota truck for as long as I needed. It was white and it was a stick shift. I lied and told her I could drive a stick shift very well (in reality, I had a very good idea and some practice, but I was far from "very well"). Thank GOD for good people who understood I don't have a means for transportation and offered theirs to me. That was miracle #1. Then time at the hospital was a whirlwind. I could not help but remember my dream when I was young about Albert being in the hospital after being burned from a fire -except this time he wasn't burned, but badly injured. It felt the same and it even looked somewhat of the same as my dream nearly 12 years earlier -ESPECIALLY the parts with my parents and other "family members"...some who had not even been born yet when I was in 2nd grade. That is still very haunting to me.

So anyway, both the birth of Audrey and the critical injury of Albert made me believe in miracles. Albert had been a pain in the ass; I was pretty much worried about how he was living his life and what direction his life was going. Then he got in his accident and learned the art of "letting go". There were so many things he had planned that were pretty much as totaled as the car was that night. But he got better and honest to God, became a better person -the biggest miracle of all, which I'll explain.

I wanted to be home. SOOOO bad. But I was told I had to "stay in college" and get good grades. I didn't care at all about that. All I cared about was being home with my family because that's what my role had been for years and years: I was the caretaker, the responsible one, the one who got things done when they needed to be. The one who took the heat when my brothers & sisters were jerks, lazy, stupid, and/or selfish. So here I was, with a brother who could have been dead, with a brand new little sister I was afraid would never even know me and I had to do something to get home and play the only role I knew how to do in life. So, I made sure I got suspended from college. Finally, I was in control of my own life, of my own desires and needs. That was miracle #2. I had no choice but to leave college and move home. Although it actually was hell living at home, it was where I wanted to be to make sure I had a good relationship with Audrey and to be sure my brother was ok and would be ok.

So, I read books ("I Wish I Had Duck Feet", "Are You My Mother", and "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"....whatever books we enjoyed mom reading to us when we were little) to Albert at home when he was in pain and drugged out. I took care of Audrey because that's what I always did, what I grew up doing, it was all that I knew how to do in my family: I took care of the younger kids when mom and dad were busy working or doing whatever. It was hell, living at home after being pretty much on my own for a year and a half, but it was all I knew.

So onto miracle #3, the real reason I believe in miracles. Albert was in a bad state...he was becoming depressed & cynical as a result of his dreams & plans pretty much being shattered like his face & leg. I saw it in him everyday he had been released from his 3 week stay in the hospital. I hated it. I prayed for him constantly. Then one day I learned he went to this "TEC: Teens Encountering Christ" through our church or diocese. He came back a different person. He had a new purpose. He, for the first time in months (maybe even years, considering how much I had worried about him even before his accident), was positive, had a new focus, and was going to be "ok". That, my friends, was the biggest miracle. The miracle that showed me that miracles DO happen -because it could have been really, REALLY bad if not for that miracle.

So, in a way, that was the start to a turning point in my life. It made me realize many things. Most of all, it not only showed me how God could turn things around for anyone in any situation, it also showed me that I need to advocate for myself and take care of myself, while at the same time encouraging the same autonomy and self-respect in others.

I forgot where I was going with this. Wow. I'm not sure I've ever even written all of that down. I probably have in one of my personal journals, but I don't know if I've ever really let anyone know how much the events of 1992-1993 impacted the rest of my life.

I was reminded of all of this a month or so ago when I had brought a bunch of my pictures home for Audrey to pick out some baby pictures for her senior year stuff. I came across of a picture of Albert with a broken leg sitting in the living room while I was looking at the pictures with one of my other sisters and Albert's 3 year old daughter. She was very affected by the picture where her "dad had a broken leg" (which she repeated over and over all day), and I hid those of him after his accident (in the hospital, etc) from her because if a picture of him looking healthy except for drawing attention to a leg in a cast/brace affected her that much, seeing a younger version of her dad in the hospital looking like death run over, would have impacted her strongly.

So....what a post, huh?? :) I'm nervous about hitting "publish post" because I'm not sure if I want all that self-disclosure out there...but it's time. Time to let it go, let it out, and continue my own growth.

Thanks for tuning in, blog-reader. This one was a long one...and I sure do hope it made sense. :) Again, as I end most of my posts: Be good to yourself, believe in yourself, do good for each other, give freely to others, and I wish your heart to be light and full of good things. Let go of things that are not good for you -things that keep you frozen and in a self-destructive cycle. We aren't meant to be drones to our own demons....we are meant to be lights that sparkle with freedom & peace for others.

What Did He Say There???

Today's Saturday and I SHOULD be getting my butt in gear to go down to the glass studio and work on my stained glass project, but I find other things to occupy my time. For example, I was listening to the radio and Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter came on and I thought to myself, this has been one of my favorite songs by them just for the sound of it alone...but...the lyrics are puzzling and Eddie mixes it up each time he performs it, so who's to know? The gist of the song, yeah, I got that a while ago...but actual words? Nope. So I did a lyrics search on it and came across this nugget of fun.

Enjoy!!

Snow! Snow! Wherefore art thou, snow?!?!

Ok, so if you've read the title, and you know anything from 9th grade literature class (ok, maybe junior lit if you went to one of "those" schools), you are probably thinking: Angela, you're an idiot. "WHY are you 'snow'?? Stupid American. No wonder your kids can't pass tests". Because "wherefore art thou" actually means, "why are you" in Shakespearean speak. In the scene with the famous line, Juliet is lamenting about her bad luck at liking a guy in the enemy family. So she's like, "Geez!! Of all people, why does he have to be a fricken MONTAGUE!??!?!". You're welcome for that bit of trivia. Now onto the real post:

It's almost the middle of November. So what does that mean?? It means it's going to snow soon. I like snow. Always have, probably always will. I like no snow too, but if it's gonna get cold and chilly, it better be worth my while, so there had better be snow out there to sparkle at night and remind me of Christmas the entire season. I'm ready. Bring it on Old Man Winter!!!

I put up my Christmas tree already. I'm not kidding. It's up. Granted, it's not decorated. Just the white lights are on. It's actually a cheap, ugly tree I got for like $12 at Menards one year. It's my very own Charlie Brown tree!!! :) I used to have three of them, but I gave the other two to the office in Coleraine. They had a really really weird miniature tree and they just need a "regular" Christmas tree. And one would have been lonely, so I let them have my other one too so there is a pair. :) Plus, I guess you could consider it a reverse going away present from me. LOL

So, I started my next stained glass project. Holy crap, this one is gonna be a pain in my ass!!!! It already has been. On Monday, I tried cutting out the glass from my pattern and couldn't cut worth shit!! I absolutely could not get it to break right and ruined some very, very nice pieces. The ones that DID work out are weirdly shaped so I'll have to grind them to fit. That's not too bad, it just takes so much time!! BUT....it's gonna be AWESOME when it's done. :)

I think that's about all I have to say. I got home at 5:00 today. I KNOW!!!!! You're saying, "What the...???" and can't believe it, right??? Me neither. I worked my ass off Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday going as late as 7:30 and leaving as early as 6:15. I feel like it should be close to midnight already and it's hardly 9:00!!! SO....I think I might take a trip to the grocery store!! Yogurt and chicken breastesses are on sale at Cashwise and if there's something this girl could live off of it's chicken breastesses and yogurt. A fantastic combination. -and I'm kidding. But they are main staples of what I eat all the time. I still want to find a free-range, farm-raised chicken marketplace that will sell me just the breastesses so I don't have to buy the science experiment Frankenstein chicken. I have no interest in dark meat, so just the white please! And if you try to pass off the wings as white meat, I just have to say one thing: Wings are gross...they are 65% skin and 20% bone and 15% actual meat. AND there are ishy veins running through it here and there. yuck. That's why I hate dark meat...veins and ligaments, and other weird stringy and dark colored stuff is like eating a bunch of entrails you scooped out of the garbage and cooked with "regular" food. *shudder* ...ok, done with that bit of imagery.

Toodleooooooos my dear blog reader!!! Enjoy November...it's gonna go FAST. :)

Done.

I finished my stained glass picture today. It was pretty easy to do. I designed another one and this next one just might kick my ass!!! WOW. If I get it done, it's for my mom. It's gonna be AWESOME!! :) Pictures will come later, when the sun is up and shining!