I have WAY too much stuff...

Hello!! This weekend was my "preliminary packing" weekend. I wanted to get my spare bedroom cleaned out, leaving only furniture standing. I accomplished most of that, but still have some left to do -just a little bit of stragglers lying around yet in there. My goal is to have most of the stuff I don't use or that I won't miss looking at for a couple more weeks into boxes, sent home with family next weekend, and stored at my parents' and/or brother's house for a bit. Then I'll have less to worry about when the actual move happens. Which I hope to be sometime in the last full week of June...though I'm not sure how I am going to execute this yet! LOL When I moved up here, I relied very little on my family -in fact, my friends from Ada basically moved me and I moved myself back and forth for a couple weeks before the "big move". This time they are tied up with the county fair in their town and cannot help. Now it's time for my family to step up and help -and so far they have been absolutely great! To save my back (and likely the REST of my body since I'm so accident prone!!), I may hire movers in Fargo to unload my uhaul truck. I wish I could hire movers here, because then I'd just do that. I hate relying on people and paying a third party who has no ties to me whatsoever is VERY tempting. I will have to look into what rapids has to offer as far as movers. Family and friends are free, but it's been my experience that some of them hang it over your head forever -and that's bad energy I don't want in my life.

So for the rest of the day I'm just putzing around the house, packing this, packing that. I have decided to give a gazillion things away to the local thrift stores -Salvation Army, Goodwill, & a locally owned one that benefits the animal shelter. Over the years, a person acquires so much stuff from gifts, "deals", and "gotta have this". I thought about having a rummage/garage sale, but that's a whole lot of work and I'd be on my own doing so (most of the community ones won't happen until I'm almost or long gone), and I just want to get RID of this stuff. I have little caring whether I get $$ from them or not, I just want to declutter a little (a lot). I've got 5 boxes of stuff to go -and counting because I only just STARTED!! :)

A new neighbor downstairs moved in today. It's always interesting getting used to new people in the "neighborhood" and learning to co-exist with others. Part of me is glad I don't own my own home for that; Shared living spaces shows what kind of a person you are in the world, I think. Maybe more people should NOT own their own homes/land and live among other people, just renting, and maybe that sense of entitlement so many people have right now will dissipate a bit. Do you ever truly OWN anything? Really? What does that mean? Forget equity and the financial aspect of it (that's a commentary for another day), but although I will agree that having my own space to be MINE and do whatever I want with it without having to respect the owners or other tenants would be nice and perhaps is my right as an American and as a human being...but am I entitled to that?? Is that where I should put my energy?

I was talking to a friend recently who is thinking about selling all his stuff and living life in a monastery (or something like that, I can't remember the term he used) and "learning" to be a monk. He owns stuff-and now he's gonna get rid of all of that to share everything he needs with other people?? I think that's brave and I think that's wise. This guy knows that life is not about what you have or what you've acquired, what your credit rating is, or how much equity you have. It's about how you live your life and how you use this life you have to make the world better. If owning something helps you make the world better, that's a very good reason to do so. If owning something just makes you feel worthy or because "that's what you do, you need to own something in life", then you're missing the mark. Remember - anything, ANYTHING, you materialistically possess can be taken away from you through some means, be it storm, fire, vandalism/theft, financial disparity, etc. But, nothing, and I do mean NOTHING can take away your God-given talents and power as a fellow human being to create, sustain, and grow positive change. I own myself, in a way. I own my actions, I own my thoughts, I own my failures, and I own my successes. Ever wonder why we say "You need to own-up to your mistake"? It's because you DO own that. A tornado can't come and wreck what just came out of your mouth or the hug you just gave that other person, nor could a fire destroy it or a thief steal it from you. I get what this guy was saying and I understand it a bit. Yes, I would like to own my own home someday. On a lake, of course, among tons of trees and foliage. But that's not my goal in life. That's a secondary goal -a "if it's meant to be" goal. My real goal is to use the life I have to at least not make the world suck for other people. Well, it might suck for some people because I do believe in being assertive and not enabling, but you get what I mean.

So I went off on a tangent. My move makes me feel hopeful. I knew when I moved here that there was a purpose, but I sure did think I'd be here longer than only one year!! :) I won't articulate that purpose, because I'm most likely already boring the snot out of you, but this next adventure? It's important, it's life changing, and it's meant to be.

I won't be a special ed director by the time I'm 40. I did have that chance here, but I chose to be reflective, cautious, wise, and listened to my heart. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. There is no randomness in the world unless you perceive it as so.

I will miss the loons though. A lot. But...I'm lucky I have stuff to miss. :)

I Am In Love. Plus, Crazy Dreams.

I am in love. With facebook right now. Specifically, their English (Pirate) language setting. Oh. My. God. I wish you could see it and experience it. If you are on facebook, change the language to that for a couple days! It will blow your mind!!!!! It is weird and difficult to realize what certain prompts are because they are in pirate language, not "normal" english. Go onto your profile page, scroll to the very bottom and there should be a blue link to click on that says "English (US)". Click on it and choose "English (pirate)". I LOOOOOOOOOOVE it! THAT is my pirate joke of the day for you!!!

Ok. So, I have to tell you about this crazy ass dream I had last night. I have NO idea what the heck!!!! I dream weird things -like my friend Jami's cat Lucky often comes over for tea, or Nickelback is eating supper at my Grandmas, or other weird things I can't think of right now!!! It started out with me being married to Jared Leto. He's an actor who was in several movies (that I don't even know if I've seen!!!) and fronts a band called 30 Seconds to Mars. Weird guy with an overinflated ego. I don't even like him (his band is so-so). But, I was married to him and we had an AWESOME house in the exact spot I would LOVE to have a house some day -one of my favorite spots in the entire world since I was a kid. (so now I know what I want the house to look like if I ever save enough money for that!!...oh, and if that piece of land ever comes up for sale when I'm ready to buy! haha). So anyway, yeah, then I went to work, which was some weird building where I met Robert Downey Jr because I was his probation agent or his handler or something. And he kept coming on to me and I was like DUDE! I'm married! Yeeesch!!. I had to take him around to look at apartments because he needed a place to live where he wouldn't be mobbed by his "fans" and we were in Moorhead at the icky Skaff apartment buildings just north of I94 near the Marriot and then we were in south Fargo, then we were in St Louis Park, and then some other city I couldn't remember. Finally, we were in a building somewhere and RDJ was doing his homework for some high school literature class that was run by this old lady -who I THINK was one of my old high school english teachers, Mrs. Klitzke but she was SUPER crabbier!!! I got him out of that class because I thought it was stupid. Then I had to make sure he took his drug test which consisted of 6 little pee cup things and everyone was worried he wouldn't pass. -suddenly there were a gazillion people around waiting for the results. Well, he must have passed because then we moved onto another classroom with this other teacher who was this stuffy guy who was kind of a dick. It was a literature class and RDJ didn't have to read exactly what the class was reading because it was like he was being "tutored on the set" or whatever childhood actors get their education by -except he was a grown man and no one was tutoring him so it was an independent study course for him. However, the teacher was a snob and wasn't going to accept RDJ's work on the classwork he was doing because it wasn't "exactly" what he had all the other kids in the class doing. I argued with the teacher and went into a litany of reasons why he was a terrible teacher and why doing the same thing didn't matter because it was the thought and the process of learning that was the important thing, not the spoon feeding of ideas from him -rather the spark of independent thinking that variety upon a theme creates and encourages.

So after that, it was time for me to go home for the day and I remembered I had to pick up ice before I got home because Jared ate the last bunch of ice for breakfast (weird). So I went driving in the country, this time I was in rural Itasca county, south of Grand Rapids, driving on dirt roads looking for an ice machine. I thought I found one, but I happened across this llama and I started having a conversation with him!!! We talked about the weather and the way my car was making a weird sound when it turned to the right. Then he told me all about how he lives out here but used to live in Colorado but walked all the way here because he heard it was nice. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO weird. I don't remember really getting my ice, but I went home, walked straight through the house, onto the deck and down to the water and RDJ was there with my husband and they were playing dice games or something on the pontoon which was still docked & tied.

I woke up then. The weirdest thing is, I remembered mostly ALL of it!!!! That's how weird it was. I never felt distressed at any time, even when I was bitching out the teacher or when RDJ kept trying to come on to me or when I couldn't find an ice machine for a while when I just wanted to go home. It was the most "normal" feeling dream in forever -much like the Lucky the cat comes to visit and chat dreams...it's just like a normal day. :)

So, it was a good day today! I picked up all the branches and sticks in my yard that were blown off by winds this weekend, cleaned up the house a bit, did laundry, watched the twins game, read a book, and even went for a drive. Then I got home. In between all of that I discovered the Pirate facebook language.

I also drank a hell of a lot of iced tea, so needless to say, I am not tired AT ALL right now and it's after 11pm. I'm thinking about cracking open another book! I have to get boxes this week- that's on my agenda because this weekend I am packing up LOTS of stuff. Mostly stuff that some of my family will be taking with them the following weekend when they come through for a birthday party for my niece and nephew. Which also reminds me, I need to get birthday gifts for them!!! :)

Thanks for checking in! This one was a long one, I know, but I sure hope it was entertaining. I'm sure the dream thing is more like "you had to be there!!", but needless to say, you've got to admit, it was darnned weird!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take care everyone! Be good to yourself and others. Be nice, be kind, be responsible, and be the bigger person. :)

On a Gray May Day....

Well, it's been quite some time since I've had a chance to check in here. Things have been busy. Since I've last posted, I've found a place to live in Fargo (yep...gonna be one of those North Dakotans now!!!), my coop's has already hired my replacement, I've discovered the calendar hates letting me move in June but it's gonna happen anyway darnnit!!, and I've been over-busy getting things wrapped up in districts.

Today is the first day I've actually started thinking of letting things go at work. Not really "letting them go", but "letting go" and doing as much as I can right now to prep the next person -just enough to give them an idea of where things are and let her carry on or not if she wishes. I've finally been able to stop thinking ahead and planning for next year. It's been difficult -I'm usually a very purposeful person and seldom do anything without having some reason or plan for it in the future. So finally now, I'm at the place where I can just leave it all be and behind. There are bigger and better things waiting for me in Moorhead and I'm very excited about that. The same challenges, but one district within one vision supported by consistent and proactive leadership. I can grow more fully there. It is the next step after my growth this year. I am completely and absolutely excited!

This afternoon I'm sitting in Caribou Coffee in St. Cloud. I was in St. Paul today for my last Director's Forum. In my position in Moorhead, I won't be expected to attend these as my director will relay all relevant info to me if I need it. If there is something covered that is very pertinent, I have no doubt she'll let me go, but at least I know it's not one of those "unsaid expectations". In fact, it's an unsaid expectation that I NOT go. :) YAY! Traveling so much sometimes makes me weary, gets expensive (even with mileage and meal reimbursement), and keeps me from really feeling "settled" in a place. I'm on my way to DL to my brother's for the evening. I have a car load of stuff to store over there :) and go to Fargo tomorrow to sign my lease. Thus begins another new chapter in my life.

I feel melancholy today. I have some ideas why, but still, I don't prefer to feel this way. It's surprising how one day of gray dark damp weather after a slew of sunny bright warm days turns a person's mood and thoughts around. I wish I could stay in one spot and write all day long, but I'm not sure what to say or what would come of it. Have you ever started writing and writing and then realized, whoa! Where they heck did all of THAT come from?? I have to learn that when I get in moods like that (the writing and writing) I cannot look at what I've written because then I stop because I start to think about it too much. When I start to do that, everything is gone and I stop writing for days, weeks, months.

This upcoming transition feels a bit impending -but not at the same time. Going to Grand Rapids and working for the cooperative felt like I was going into an adventure -and it just kept *click*click* climbing and *WHOOSH*zooming down the big hill only to *click*click* climb for another exhilarating & sometimes scary *WHOOSH* freefall. Now it feels like I'm just waiting to get back from my adventure and get back home into "normal life". I'm on the tarmac taxiing between flights. I have to say though, this is exactly where I was meant to be for this year. I know this in a weird but absolute way. This entire year from July to now and everything in it was meant to be. Even my crazy emergency room ordeal! HAHA! Lessons learned, stagnation rejuvenated, old ghosts exorcised, more perspectives discovered and appreciated. I'm thankful for my seatbelt/safety bars this year to keep me on the adventure!! Now it's time to leave the park and take the memories on to another chapter in this crazy life of mine!! :)

The Cat's Out Of The Bag

So now that all the important people in my life have been told, I can FINALLY talk about this! I got a job in Moorhead, MN! I have always admired the Moorhead school system -specifically their special education department ever since I did a teeny tiny practicum in the middle school when I was a junior in college. I thought they were crazy cool and never felt "smart" enough to work there. Well, things have changed because I definitely am smart enough to work there and cool enough to be interviewed and offered a position quickly. My title will be Learner Support Services Program Manager, Secondary. That means I coordinate the special education programming for the middle school, high school, alternative learning center, and juvenile center. I will also work on teams to improve learning for all kids, not just special ed kids, which is totally cool! I feel very honored to have gotten this position!

Some background -the superintendents of my present sped cooperative have been plotting and scheming all spring. I requested to open negotiations for my next year's contract in January, the board agreed, and I submitted my proposal within 3 weeks, but then I didn't hear from the "lead" negotiator on the board until April 20th. I heard from the other superintendents that I WAS going to be offered a contract, they just don't know what the hold up is -although they were entertaining the thought of dissolving the cooperative and restructuring my position. Needless to say, until they figured that out, they didn't know what capacity my contract would entail.

Water under the bridge. So to make a long story short, the board was about a month late in coming to their senses and deciding not to dissolve the coop until next year and finally responding to my contract offer. They were fair in their offer (I'll give them that), but during the three months the lead superintendent didn't return or take my calls inquiring about the status of the contract, lo and behold an opportunity presented itself in Moorhead. I would have been a fool not to have applied for the program manager position and to be honest, in retrospect, it was almost like a fate thing. I never would have seriously looked nor considered trying to apply if I wasn't put in limbo concerning what the future of my position with the cooperative districts would be and hitting a wall when trying to communicate with the board about it.

So, their loss (and their inability to assert some proactive planning and extend some professional respect to their employees) is Moorhead's gain. I feel awful and sad for my director and for the rest of the people I work with and have really grown to like quite a bit. But in the big picture, this is a good move for me. I can be closer to friends and family that I've missed so very much this year and I can live in a town with TWO Targets!!!! LOL

I start July 1st, so that means I have a small -very small- window to move!! That's stressful to me. Oh well! I HATE moving. SOOOOO much. But, I've got people coming out of the woodwork offering to help. That's sweet and makes me happy I know so many good people. :)

I think that you need some humor -I know I sure have lately. Here's your pirate joke of the day:

What kind of ships do pirates have trouble with?
Relationships!


Arrrrrrrrr.............me thinks you need another one, matey!! Har ye go:

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

:) Thanks for tuning in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!