stay tuned....

So I'm alllllllll done with my teaching job. I got the place pretty much cleaned out Wednesday through Friday and have been gleefully enjoying the end of that. Yes, it's sad to leave the ASEC, but after this week of handling all the cleaning and all by myself, I'm VERY glad to be leaving. I was reminded of how much I was isolated and "on my own" there. Yes the lack of administrators and coworkers looking over my shoulder was nice, but actually, I never felt like it would have mattered. I think the lack of oversight encouraged me to be better and learn much more because there was no "buck" to pass on. Everything and anything ended with me. BIG responsibility, but my entire life up to mid-twenties (sometimes even now) taught me about being the "responsible one" and how to run and manage things.

So, stay tuned for Monday or possibly Tuesday because that is when I'll return from Grand Rapids with pictures of my new rental. I'm very excited and also I'm excited to meet my counterpart who I'm taking the place of at the Northern Lakes Special Education Cooperative. I meet with her in the morning. I get to chat with my boss too (the director of the coop). I have a good feeling about the job. I have a feeling though, that it will be hard -very hard at times - but also, since I was driving home from my interview two months ago, I feel like this will be an awesome challenge I am more than happy to tackle. I'm glad I have found a beautiful place to live because I'll need that sanctuary at times I think!! :-) Between that and meeting my landlords to go over the lease, I am planning on browsing the furniture and appliance stores in search of the perfect washer & dryer, bedroom set, living room set, and dining room set. Good times.

wow.......throughout this entire time I've written this, there is someone on the lawn sneezing A LOT and very hard. Good Lord, get inside, person!! I'm three floors up and I can hear the sneezes plain as day, so you can be sure they are LOUD!! Geez.....I've counted 7 or 8 sneezes so far! Gesundheit!!

Sorry...But A Girl's Gotta Make Some Dough...

Ok...so when you read my blog, you'll see ads all over the place probably. Please click on them because I get a teeny tiny percentage of a cent with each click. It costs YOU nothing to click...but it makes me some money after a while....which might never come...but you know how the economy is right now! So, I hope you're a "click-o-holic" :-)

THANKS!!!!!

2 More Days...

There's two more days of work for me. I'm done on the 29th. I have tons of cleaning up and boxing up to do yet, but I'm thankful I have two days to do it. I should be able to get it all done! -well, I'd better be able to because I am DONE on Friday no matter what.

On another note, I got the rental I had wanted in Grand Rapids and I go to sign the lease on Monday. I'm very happy & very excited. I cannot wait to move, but I'm going to do it gradually sort of. Just a couple trips up there with some stuff I've already got packed and then a big move mid July. I should be settled by the end of July for sure. First order of business when I get settled is to buy a washer and dryer! I'm so very happy for just that!! Gone will be the days of lugging my laundry basket up and down three flights of stairs and planning on when to do laundry to do so around all the other tenants here...though it's a pretty empty building. I will have lots of cupboard space in my new kitchen too. Boy, am I excited about that! Right now I have my dishwasher and my hall closet full of cooking things and dishes. It will be nice to live "for real" now. And the fireplace in the rental is beautiful. I'll take pictures on Monday and post them when I get back to Ada.

I've been dieting and exercising lately under the supervision of a physician and have lost about 55-60 pounds since January of this year. It's been a long road and it will be longer because I still want to do much more weight loss, but since the first 60 was pretty fast, considering, the next 30-40ish will go slower and I'm absolutely ok with it. I do not wear "plus" sizes anymore unless I find something in the 14-16 plus size range that is cool. It's been frustrating though because I've got to buy a new wardrobe. That's fun -but it's expensive and very time consuming!!! Especially now that I'm pretty much broke due to putting down money on my house rental and renting a month sooner than I had planned in order to "get" the place. But I do believe it will be worth it. And since I'm done with work on Friday, most of my summer can be tshirts and sloppy pants. That's the best part of summer, I think!! :-)

I keep trying to figure out if I'm sad that I'm done working for the ASEC (area special education cooperative) and that I'm moving 2-4 hours away from the area I've been in for 10 years now. I am, I guess. But it's been a LONG LONG time coming. I wouldn't say I'm particularly burnt out at work, but I'm darned close. I think I did a good thing getting my administrative licenses and pursuing an administrative position when I did because another year or two of teaching would probably find me in that "not caring" and "putting in time for a paycheck" category of teachers. That would be terrible!!! I am sad about two things concerning moving though: I will really really miss my friends here and I will miss the complacent security of "no change". Moving to an area where you don't know anybody is a double edged sword. It's exciting, but it's very scary. I am a very strong believer that anything worth doing is not easy...and it's not going to be easy for me to actually, in reality, make the move. When I was in Grand Rapids last weekend looking at rentals, I had a few moments of almost absolute terror...because it was becoming very real. I'll have moments like that quite a bit after my move, when it all sinks in. I'm the kind of person where I do very well in crisis, tragedy, and change right away. After while, after I've totally jumped into something, when I'm sure things are "set" and I see people are "ok-ish", THAT'S when I'll allow myself to feel the grief, loss, fear, and other side effects of a major change -I don't even have to "let" myself...it just creeps in. I need more support later rather than during, I guess you could say. That's different from a lot of people I think. And that's ok. I get that way when I make big purchases for a car. I totally jump in and do it -sometimes very suddenly...then get nervous-sick about it a couple weeks to a month afterwards.

I'm kinda tired tonight. I almost took a nap after I got home from work. I did a lot of moving stuff today and ran to East Grand Forks to deliver some stuff and take care of some stuff, and by the time I got home after 6pm I was pretty tired. So, I chilled a bit, drank a diet coke, did 20mn on my elliptical, and then ate a chicken breast & broccoli supper. Tomorrow I'll be packing more stuff up, moving more stuff around (I have tons of stuff to take down to the high school yet), and starting to clean the place. Then i have to leave early to go to my physician appt in Fargo and then to Wapheton to deliver some of my personal school materials to a friend who homeschools her kids. Tomorrow will be an even longer day I think!!! Friday I have to finish cleaning stuff & make sure my internet and stuff like that gets shut off and then go to a graduation in Oklee for one of my seniors who graduated this year (by the grace of God, I tell you!!!). Long day Friday too.

Well, now you know my schedule for the next few days. Lovely. Just what you always wanted to know. :-)

The End of May....

This week will begin the end of May. I'm happy for that. It will mean the end of the school year and the end of this chapter in my life. On to other things!

That being said, I looked at a rental in Grand Rapids this weekend that I completely adore!! I'm waiting to hear from the owners to let me know if they've chosen me to rent from them (they've got several people interested in the property already). I am definitely VERY interested in it. If I am blessed enough to get it, I will definitely be posting some pictures because it is awesome. As soon as I stepped on to the deck of the place, I felt like I was home. When I looked through the place, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I belonged there. Strange and perhaps a little woo woo-ey, but it's the truth.

Today I've got to go to some graduation parties of some of the students I've had this year. Yesterday I was able to swing by another graduation party of a student. I'm glad these kids got their act together and actually were able to graduate. Graduation is at 2pm (which is going on right now), but rather than sitting through the entire ceremony filled with family, I'm opting to go only to their graduation parties. This is a complete 180degrees from my previous practices. Usually I never went to ANY parties whatsoever...just attended the graduation ceremony and congratulated and gave away my card at that time. This year, probably because I just need the closure myself because of all the changes going on right now, I'm actually gracing the graduation parties with my presence. :-)

So, I'd better get my lazy sunday butt into the shower and off to my scheduled parties!

Specialist Degree Here I Come!!!

This past weekend, I spent laboring over my field study, trying to finish or at least outline the final two chapters (the results and discussion/recommendations sections). I sent it off to my advisor anticipating a week or two of waiting. Today he got back to me already and told me it was an excellent draft to build upon, just needed a few changes, and that he thought it was publishable. Now, I don't know about publishing it (who in the heck would want to read about it???!!! and what journal or magazine would actually WANT to publish it!?????), but i do think it is pretty good. Very interesting and a true labor of love. Even now as my head swims with the changes and expanding I will be doing next to it, I keep thinking of more things to add into it. That was my first problem getting started: I wanted to cover and study everything about my topic. I'll just have to keep my focus.

So, for SURE now, I will be defending it in June and will graduate from MSUM with an Education Specialist (Ed.S.)degree (38 graduate credits above a Masters) in August. How awesome is THAT!!??? Who would have thought 16 years ago when MSUM put me on academic suspension for 3/4 of a year that I'd get this far and be this awesome!? Well, I did, but I don't know if anyone would have believed me (I sure didn't at that time!). That's what hard work and dedication gets you, kids. Achievement and knowledge. Look around to some of your principals and even superintendents...many don't even have the specialist level of education/degree (and some have more, like a doctorate). In ten to fifteen years' time I will have a doctorate in something. Either a doctorate in education (Ed.D.) or "regular" PhD. But for now, I'll take time to live in the world of education administration for a while and fully take advantage of my EdS!

But until then, I need to find a place to live in Grand Rapids...somewhere that meets my "renting characteristic trinity" (garage, 2 bedrooms, laundry in-unit)...

Ahhhhh, Tuesday!!!

Well, my eye is still kinda bloody. Looks like it will probably take at least 4 more days for it to be completely clear. That will make it approximately 14 days of blood in my eye! Oh well! This is still a great Tuesday cuz Tuesdays are the best day of the week for no reason other than they are awesome.

Nothing new lately...getting kinda stressed about closing down my program and making sure it is all cleaned out and all the stuff there gets to places that want/need it. It is just a pain in the ass. Plus, on top of all of that I'm busy with the "real" part of my job. I have 5 students who are incredibly needy this month. Three of them are seniors and are hanging on by the skin of their teeth. I am texting one of them each morning to see if he needs a ride to school because he always has "car trouble" (and it is legitimate car trouble) and calling another one to make sure she is up and getting ready to go to school. The other one I have to treat with kid-gloves sometimes to keep him in the right "mood" to finish his assignments and remind him daily of the allowed days of absences he has left for the year. *sigh*. The things I do to make a difference.

Some might say this is above and beyond and probably not healthy...but it WILL get these kids to graduate. A piece of their life either was missing earlier in their development and/or is missing now...that being the consistency of an adult role model who teaches them how to be responsible and how to be accountable. Some might also say that calling, texting, and continuous reminding are counter-intuitive to teaching responsibility and accountability. I say that it's too late to expect that. This should have been taught and paid attention to MUCH earlier in their lives and to expect them to be at the "normal" level of personal responsibility and accountability now will only set them up for more failure and perpetuate the cycle of failure and dysfunction. Failure is not what they need right now. Wings and a consistent, caring adult who challenges them to think for themselves to make good choices is what they need. So to the mindset that believes I'm cutting these kids too much slack or am enabling their irresponsible and antisocial behavior, I am tempted to say, "Well, it's your fault then. Where were you 10 years ago for these kids? And what are YOU doing now to help them besides passively shaking your head in regret, disgust, and/or social disdain at their problems?" But, of course, that's not going to help anything, so I just make sure my corner of the world is proactive and strives to see these kids with fresh eyes that believe in the motto "whatever it takes". They come from bad stuff. They believe they have bad stuff inside them. I know that first statement is true and it is really too bad and quite sad, but I also know the latter doesn't have to be...because that's what they can change right now if they have enough support, a proactive environment, and time.

I'll miss this kind of influence on youth when I start my new position in August. However, I am quite excited because I'll be in the position to more fully support teachers who will be working with kids and also I'll be able to affect systems change so more levels of influence affect kids more positively than just a small classroom or program. That is what excites me about educational administration. Challenging traditional models with a more flexible conceptualization is really what makes me happy in my profession. That, and advocating for people who are different from mainstream are my greatest passions in life I think.

So May 22nd is the day I'm counting down with gusto. That's the day my seniors are finished and the date that will determine if they will be able to graduate or not. I'm determined they will succeed. What they do afterwards is up to them...but I know they will remember how they felt when they were under my "care" and will hear my voice like a ghost through-out their lives, helping them make the right choice. OR, they might be completely relieved to finally get rid of me and my bossiness and high expectations! :-)

So I woke up this morning and thought, ick, something's in my eye...feels like an eyelash. Then I remembered it felt that way Sunday night too, but I thought I was just too tired and went to bed. So this morning I thought, geez, it's still there, wonder if I'll need to get a tweezers to get it out! Then I had thoughts of poking myself in the eye and having all the eyeball fluid squirt out...then how to get myself to a hospital -and I had to remember to throw some clothes on so I didn't go in my pajamas...

That was too much doom and gloom for me on a Monday morning, so I got up, stumbled into the shower and thought that would for sure get the eyelash or whatever out. No luck. Finally, I looked at my eye and did not find an eyelash. What I DID find was a huge bump of dark red blood and bright red blood on the bottom left of my left eyeball. Holy crap!!! My first thought was man, I have too much to do today to spend time on this, and what the heck...should I just leave it and wait and see or should I go in? And where should I go? A regular doctor, an optometrist? What? So I gave up and went to work. It didn't really hurt...just really bugged me because it seriously felt like I had a huge eyelash between my eyeball and corner eyelid.

I got to work and found out that I would be losing my para for the afternoon. That was not what I wanted to hear because I decided on my drive to work that I would call my eye doc in Moorhead and get in for an appointment. So, I had to find a sub for myself and snagged a 10:45 appointment to my old eye doctor in Ada. He's pretty good, so I was ok with that.

So I got to the eye doctor, saying "hello, I have blood in my eye". One of the secretaries/receptionists didn't know what to think of that, but the doc came up and was kinda chuckling. So he took me to an exam room and proceeded to prod and look at my eye ball (both of them too, just in case), making me blind with all the lights and stuff shining to take a look around the eyeball. He determined it was a simple case of broken blood vessel in my eye (subconjunctival hemorrhage) located in the lower AND upper left corner. And quite a large one too because the entire eyeball is getting red as the blood seeps into the white part. I have a clump of blood on my eye and he said it's only a matter of time before it completely bursts or disintegrates to spread alllllllllll over. He warned me that the entire white part may turn red at some time and stay that way for 10 or so days. Yikes!!! I think he was trying not to laugh about it too! What a shit. Apparently, it was a doozy -he was amazed at how it completely went from the top to the bottom of my eyeball only in the corner & under the eyelids (so far, apparently!). He gave me some steroid drops to help with the swelling (apparently the eyeball is all swelled up or something too) and said to come back if it gets way worse, if I start having vision problems, or if it starts happening to the other (right) eye.

Needless to say, now, at 11:45pm, it hasn't spread much. However, it seems like it's still bleeding! When I look at my eye, the entire left side under the lids, around the eyeball where it goes into my head is all red with much darker red lining where the eye lids and eyeball meet. It still feels like I have crap in my eye. LOTS of crap. And I guess I do! :-) LOL

The mystery is HOW I got this. I haven't done any kind of straining, haven't gotten punched or otherwise hurt in that area, haven't been taking any aspirin or other blood thinners, I don't THINK I've sneezed hard or anything (that's caused pin pricks of vessel breakage in my eyes before) and my blood pressure has been incredibly normal lately. So.....who knows. Although, I DID do some heavy lifting yesterday as I sorted out some junk and did a bit of packing/clearing out in my office room. I wish the darker parts, where it looks like a line of blood blisters would just "pop" or something. I'd like to get this over with!! Plus, it's incredibly annoying and actually makes me tired and want to close both my eyes and rest!!

I'm sure that's what you wanted to read about today. My gross eye. I wish I had pictures because I think it's incredibly bizarre. That's why I went into the doctor today -it just didn't look or feel like a "normal" burst blood vessel episode. Well...I have like 65 sick days left, so it's not like I can't "afford" to take some time off and baby the thing (like THAT would help anyway...), but I do have some kids who are pretty high maintenance now and I just really need to be around to supervise/referee -not to mention be available for teachers and administrators who usually have questions on the times that I'd like to be unavailable.

Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will be grosser!!! Good times!

Nice Day.

Today it is pretty nice out. I've been enjoying coffee, tv, a book, the internet, and the birds making noises outside. So far it's been a very good day! I've even done some sorting for my packing preparations and debating on putting some of my older stuff out on the curb for "cleanup week". The day is still young, so some things may find their way out there.

Otherwise, nothing much is new. There are only 4 weeks of school left. Hooray! I've been waiting for this since November. This year was tough to get through for some reason. The work wasn't difficult or that challenging, but it's just become too much of the same thing every year. Also, I've felt like my program was becoming more and more involved with only one of the districts of the 9 districts of the cooperative that refer to my program and that wasn't really meshing with my belief system concerning the purpose of that program and individual district special education programming as a whole.

Well, my plant isn't dead yet. I suppose that's a good thing! At least two times already it was touch and go, but watering the thing really seems to help. :-) LOL.